Dear Milk & Honey,
Hello again. If you asked, I'd probably tell you I had a hell-ish sort of week. It's boyfriend trouble again, you see.. We almost broke up today. He doesn't know what the hell he wants. Doesn't even know what the hell he feels for me & that really goddamn hurts. You see, he came back to me. Kissed me after two months that I spent heart broken and hurt and high. I miss being high. It's quite silly. But even though I binged like crazy, yet dieted like crazy, I didn't fucking care. Rainbows were everywhere and life was just wonderful.
I remember his best friend telling me one day, texting me, that he saw how much smaller I was getting. I remember his cousin having to run to my house at night just to check if I was okay. I had my heart set on killing myself that day.

I don't expect you to understand it, Milk & Honey, but the pain really was unbearable. It was like every single bad event that has ever happened punched me in the gut and stabbed me in the back. Every bad memory. Like the time I told mommy that the man that was renting with us was being mean to me, in a sexually perverse sort-of way, she never believed me. I try never to remember those nights when I laid on his goddamn bed, his black & white television filling the room, and crept away from his sleeping body to my own bed. Mommy, you never believed me. And I refuse to believe it ever happened.

Anyways, I don't want to go through that again. Oh please, I don't. Even if he apologized, there is no way in hell I would ever forgive him for coming back and sweeping me off my feet only to leave again. I just don't.

But hey, Millk & Honey. I'm going on a fruit and veggies fast next month which is a day or so. I can't wait. For now, I'll just take a shower. I don't quite like to discuss it, but I feel like I'm going to bleed tonight.