Let's bring in a whole new light.

Haven't been posting. But now it's killing me. I cannot take that little piece of flesh, that muffin-top, hanging off my pants. I used to fit perfectly in a size 3, before that, perfectly in a size 1, before that, beginning to fit in a size 0.

I can't gain weight. Musn't gain weight.

ABC Diet tomorrow? Oui.

I am Jack's neverending failure.

My name is Serenity and I am a failure on my birthday.
My boyfriend made me cake. My boyfriend made me cupcakes. My boyfriend ordered pizza. My boyfriend made my favorite iced tea. How in the world can I resist my baby?

I got presents I love very much. My foster mother bought me a card and filled it with writing. It touched my heart.
I am loved. I am me. There is no reason for me to stop eating.
My life is the best it's gonna get right now because I have so many people that care infinitely for me. I'm a blessed person.

Why can't I always see it?
Why does my mind have to torture me and tell me how fat I am? Tell me how worthless I am? Am I?

I don't think so.
But today I am a failure. I am a failure because I gave into temptation and ate. I am a Failure because Ana tells me so and I cannot deny her words.

*sigh*

This is Jack's severe warning to you.

If one day you wake up looking like this, where you can't find that bikini top under all this blubber, don't say no one warned you.

If you wake up one day seeing it hard to pull up your jeans, it's all your fault. It's all your fault for not being able to put down that fork. It's all your fault for thinking, "One more bite won't hurt." And soon, you'll find that bite turning into a few bites, then into eating the whole thing, next thing you know, you'll get seconds, even thirds. And if you thought you were fat, fuck, now YOU ARE HUGE.

YOU ARE A WHALE.

FAILURE IS MEANT FOR PIGS.

Now I know you are not a pig. You try so hard for Perfection, so don't ruin it now with a tiny piece of cake.

Or... You can just shove it all in your mouth like the fat pig you are. Like the rest of America. DO NOT GIVE IN.

But of course, like I said, if you wind up looking like this, it's not my fault. I WARNED YOU.

It'll be ALL. YOUR. FAULT.

xxx

Stay strong,

Yours Truly :)

I am Jack's woeful failure.

Noodles. And ice cream.

My foster mother telling me to eat.

As if tomorrow could get any better.

Cake. My birthday. Woo.

I used to love my birthday, you know? But now, mommy's not here. There's no point to eat. There never is a point.

*sigh*

My name is Serenity and I am a pig.

I am Jack's call for help.

If you love life, then you'll love death, because a mystery is a mystery. And life is full of mysteries, full of hope, full of opportunities you may never have. But death, in a way, is a puzzle no one else has solved except for those who crossed the line into it.

So let me tell you, my choice is a choice I make to cross over into death in a way that will make me Perfect in life. There is no need for help because I did not call for it. Nor did I want you to help me. So go on with your life and once my picture appears in the obituaries, know that I chose it, and it's my fault, so give up on me, that why I can prove that no one else cares at all.

xxx

This is my silent suicide.

Stay strong, live thin, lovelies.

Yours Truly.

This is Jack's attempt at an introduction.

My name is Serenity and I am 15 years old as of tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my birthday where my mom gave me this waste of a life at 7:19 in the morning. She sacrificed so much for me, she punished me, and I watched her demise until the day she died on the morning of June 12th, 2010. It doesn't matter anymore all she did to me, because at the end of the day I always loved her. And now I can't tell her that anymore.

I wonder if she's with Daddy. Because I hope they're both happy wherever they are. I am my mother's and my father's legacy. And I miss them to the deepest pits of Oblivion. And they can never be proud of me until I am thin. Until I am the beautiful daughter they would've wanted.

I am huge. I am fat.
I am undeserving of food, but only because food is an enemy I shall never call friend.
It's meant to poison, to kill. And I want no part of it.
I don't want to be the average girl. I want to be the thinnest I can be, and then thinner.
Because after all,
Failure Is Meant For Pigs.

Stay strong,
Lovelies :)

Yours, Serenity.